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A reproducible, "How to" article from the pen of Dr. Millard MacAdam

Deterring Anger and Violence ^©  

Adapted from his ProActive Leadership Advisory Tips Newsletter

Collectively, what would our lives, homes, workplaces and communities be like if people expressed more love and compassion and less anger and violence? Out-of-control anger most often leads to tragedy. Physical and emotional abuse, even murder, is too often the result. It is sad so many people ignore anger in themselves and others and allow it to block people's ability to give and receive love.

Anger and violence at home and in the work place can be deterred if people team together and decide to be persons of good intent and do something about it. They can collaborate to help one another surface and appropriately release anger in the interest of more loving and compassionate relationships. Hopefully, some of the information below will contribute to this end.

Commit Now to Defusing and Deterring Anger! The high integrity leader does all he or she can to deter the expression of anger at home and work, both from themselves and from others. Anger eats up peoples’ vital physical, emotional and time reserves. It can also eat up an organization’s financial reserves.

How so? From a physical perspective anger creates stress in the person expressing it and in the person who is the object of it. Stress leads to illness and absenteeism. “Stuffed” anger can explode into violence in the home and workplace.

From an emotional perspective, anger blocks logical thinking. Chemicals are produced in the brain that actually block clear perceptions. Think about the time you couldn’t find your keys, blamed your kids or your spouse for taking them from your dresser top... and after a few trips back and forth to the dresser, there they were! You were temporarily blinded by your anger.

From a productivity perspective, the work is not getting done. Worse case, it is done incorrectly and has to be done over.

From a financial perspective, wages paid for the time people are angry toward one another or situations are wasted. If people in your organization have a pattern of expressing anger toward customers or suppliers, make an effort to pencil out the long term costs of their angry thoughts, words and actions.

The basic cause of all anger lies within the angry person. Ownership of the anger is the responsibility of the angry person and belongs to them. Anger is a result of a person's conscious or unconscious decision to be angry about something or toward someone. It is often triggered by on old, illogical “subconscious tape” accompanied by an “emotional trigger”.

Here are some reasons peoples' anger surfaces and some proactive tips for deterring and defusing it.

Intentions and Goals are Thwarted. Help people clarify the appropriateness of their intents and the steps they will need to take to achieve their worthwhile goals.

Insufficient Financial Reserves. Budget effectively and encourage your people to budget effectively. Consistently use a cost/benefit analysis process that is above board and open to all impacted by your organization’s financial decision.

Feeling Threatened. Keep communication channels open for talking about thoughts and feelings. Help people share the things about which they are sensitive and feel threatened. When people understand and respect one another's concerns and "tender spots", they are less likely to push one another’s buttons.

Feeling Betrayed. Keep promises and help all of your colleagues keep their promises. Establish “secrets” and “gossip” as a “no, no” instead of a norm in your work environment. Praise openness, directness, loyalty, compassion and the like. Counsel and coach those who say and do things that might trigger feelings of betrayal in others.

Reduction of Needed and Expected Resources. Do all you can to consistently distribute resources to gain maximum impact and results. Involve your people as a team in advocating how they see the best distribution of resources. Allocate resources based on demonstrated need and probable positive impact on your organization’s vision, operating values, mission and goals. NEVER give or reduce resources based on

Politics. Facilitate your people through a process to help them help you make the right decisions when resources have to be reduced.

Releasing Pain. It is healthier for people to express non-violent anger than to “stuff” it. Competitive sports, running hard, hitting a punching bag, smacking a rock with a rolled up newspaper, writing a letter and burning it all work. Brainstorm with your people the ways they can appropriately express anger to get rid of pain and tension. Make a “Pain Busting List” and give it to everyone.

Controlled Feelings of Rage. Give your people the opportunity to openly express “pinches” among one another and about situations. Help them get their feelings out in the open in an appropriate way before they become “crunches” and they dump them like an erupting volcano.

Free-floating Hostility. If you observe people repeating an anger pattern, it may have been learned from a parent or other significant person. Refer them to the chapter on Peacemaker Skills in my book, Intentional Integrity. It outlines how to surface the Compulsive Demand Sentences and emotional triggers that keep them on the “edge”. It also outlines a powerful process for releasing them forever and eliminating the liabilities with which free floating hostility encumbers people.

Manipulative Leveraging. Don’t let people get away with “getting their way” by using anger because they learned in the past that getting angry appeared to work. Kindly but firmly call them on it! Ask them very assertively, “Was your intent this morning in our staff meeting to use your anger to make people afraid so you could get your way?” This kind of phrasing calls them on it, and either a “yes” or “no” answer gives you the opening to let them know it is not acceptable. PERIOD!

Be a peacemaker! Channel anger into positive productivity! Check out our workshop on Resolving and Preventing Conflicts in the Workshop section of our web site. It contains tools and strategies that help people eliminate recurring anger and interpersonal conflicts. It is an excellent workshop to promote higher levels of collaboration and cooperation in the workplace... interpersonal strengths that help deter violence.